Can we choose to be single? Conversely we can choose to sleep around, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’d all rather have one. So when we hear people say, “I’m single by choice”. What does that really mean? What does it say about that person? Does it say I’m selfish, unviable and unwilling to make room for a mate? Are we really conditioned to live life without the support, comfort and love of a mate?
Let’s have a little playtime with the “whys”. Here we go: Why persist in an unhealthy relationship? Why continue to put yourself in the exact same situations yet expect different results? Why sleep around unprotected? Why constantly badger the opposite sex, yet you’re the common denominator? Why complain about him/her yet still continue to spend time with him/her? Why give your body so quickly to someone you barely know? Why be dishonest about who you really are? Why are you still looking for that non-existent perfect person? Why offer relationship advice to others when you haven’t maintained one ever? I’ll stop this for now.
Let’s talk about lies and deception for a moment. I touched on honesty in a previous note. There are two types of lies… explicitly saying things which are not true… and indirect lies: leaving out critical information (part of the who, what, where, when, why or how) Why tell a story yet leave holes in the story especially when asking for an opinion? Is it fear of being judged? How can one offer an opinion based on a partial truth? For future reference folks, if you want an honest opinion on a situation please present the situation as if unfolded, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And you know what… if you do that and may not like the response you get. Then STOP putting yourself in those frickin situations… geez! Personally… I will tell you what you NEED to hear not want you WANT to hear. Remember… deception comes in all forms.
This is amazing… in 2011 we shouldn’t have as many relationships and dating issues as before. The reason I say that is because there are so many relationship experts and analysts and columnists and radio/blog hosts it’s crazy. Everywhere I turn there’s a new relationships program. There are constant facebook pages and updates and notes (including this one) on the relationships/dating/love/sex stuff. Let’s face it… we all like to discuss these things. I really do believe the more the better but as long as it’s done the right way. Do you do it because it’s pure entertainment and a ratings grabber? Or do you do it to impose change and be a catalyst for change? Do you really care about people? I’ve been very nosey and have looked at people pages, listened in on blog radio shows, read articles and columns and for the most part have not been impressed. I really dislike the one-sided discussions. Let’s place blame and point the finger at the opposite. Let’s point out all of the faults of the opposite sex. Now what? Do we just go home and eat? Do we build ships and sent the opposite sex to another galaxy? What now? The last I checked it’s a relationship. You RELATE to each other… there’s 2 people involved.
I understand it’s very difficult for some people to take a look at themselves and admit they need to change things about themselves. It’s so easy to blame others. For those of you who constantly place blame and listen to others who place blame… what do you do now? Is there a wall around your heart that you won’t allow to be penetrated? Is there so much hatred in your heart? Really… how do you move forward when you’re constantly pointing the finger?
Back to the original point… if these shows/blogs/articles are not offering productive discussions where people can actually leave with something to really think about that may help them with their situations then what’s really the point? You have a bunch of yelling and placing blame that gets you no where. How about offering some solutions to various issues, how about adding a relationship therapist, psychologist, how about adding some success stories and balanced discussions. Maybe is just me… I just feel it’s counter-productive to constantly point out the faults of one gender.
Observation # 201. I noticed the women I’ve talked to about their dating standards, what they want in a mate and so on… the ones with these long lists of requirements are all single. And have been single for a while. I’m never saying give up what you really want… but just be more realistic. Hey… you can chase a fantasy all your life if that’s what you choose. It’s your life. If they’re not missing the key essentials like character, integrity, honesty, ambition, communication… to name a few, don’t be so quick to toss it out the window just because something else may be missing that’s on your list. Its so many good, decent and wonderful men and women out there. We just loose focus of what’s really important. You never know who you’re going to meet, the affect they’ll have on you and so on. Obviously what you’ve been doing up to this point hasn’t worked. So if you want something different, you have to do something different. Otherwise your life will be the same from this point forward. You can continue to search and search and wait and wait. Is that what you really want? I’m done now… there’s more to come. Have a wonderful day.
Mr. Producer
This is a place where we can leave our thoughts, opinions or if you just need to express yourself. Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships Blog is an extension of the Television Program. Come on in... after all this affects all of us. Let's talk and have some fun. Mr. Producer
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Honesty!!!
Honesty. Yes… let’s talk about honesty. Is it really that difficult for people to be honest? Is it really? When you begin a relationship based on dishonesty the relationship not “may” but “will” fail. It takes so much time and energy to be dishonest. You see, once dishonesty is released… you have to keep the dishonesty circulating and active to it doesn’t come back to bite you. Unless you finally want to come clean with everything.
Once you lie… you have to keep that lie going. Am I right? You don’t want to be made. You don’t want to be considered a liar, a fraud, dishonest. So what do you do? You have to continue to be dishonest. He or she will never find out… I’ve gotten this far so why not continue. Then what happens? You’ve been dishonest so much… you actually start believing your own dishonesty. It’s a part of you. You’ve just become addicted to dishonesty. I’ve never been addicted to anything so please tell me how it feels to be addicted to dishonesty. Is it fun? Is it fruitful? Is it calming? And is it right?
For those of you that prefer dishonesty you may find that mate that’s also dishonest and both of you may live happily dishonest lives. But wait a minute… “two wrongs don’t make a right”…right? “Sidebar” What kills me is the facebook inspirational and bible status updates when the people posting them aren’t following what they post. Why? Is the appearance of being a certain way more important then actually being that way?
People say, “the truth hurts”… that’s why so many are dishonest. You know what? Give me the truth any day. I don’t care if it’s really bad, I just want to hear it. Let me decide how to proceed after that. And I’ll respect you much more as opposed to me finding out via other means.
Being honest upfront saves so much time and energy, broken hearts, stress and drama. Another little sidebar… what kills me again is folks who constantly talk about dishonest people and like to swim in the pool of dishonesty themselves. Everything comes into the light eventually.
So is lying done to protect yourself? To avoid being exposed? As if someone reading this who’s always dishonest will respond with answers. But I wonder if your conscious is eating at you. I don’t know… maybe not now, maybe later. I betcha it would be wonderful to wake up every morning knowing that you have nothing to hide.
Have a good one folks.
Mr. Producer
Once you lie… you have to keep that lie going. Am I right? You don’t want to be made. You don’t want to be considered a liar, a fraud, dishonest. So what do you do? You have to continue to be dishonest. He or she will never find out… I’ve gotten this far so why not continue. Then what happens? You’ve been dishonest so much… you actually start believing your own dishonesty. It’s a part of you. You’ve just become addicted to dishonesty. I’ve never been addicted to anything so please tell me how it feels to be addicted to dishonesty. Is it fun? Is it fruitful? Is it calming? And is it right?
For those of you that prefer dishonesty you may find that mate that’s also dishonest and both of you may live happily dishonest lives. But wait a minute… “two wrongs don’t make a right”…right? “Sidebar” What kills me is the facebook inspirational and bible status updates when the people posting them aren’t following what they post. Why? Is the appearance of being a certain way more important then actually being that way?
People say, “the truth hurts”… that’s why so many are dishonest. You know what? Give me the truth any day. I don’t care if it’s really bad, I just want to hear it. Let me decide how to proceed after that. And I’ll respect you much more as opposed to me finding out via other means.
Being honest upfront saves so much time and energy, broken hearts, stress and drama. Another little sidebar… what kills me again is folks who constantly talk about dishonest people and like to swim in the pool of dishonesty themselves. Everything comes into the light eventually.
So is lying done to protect yourself? To avoid being exposed? As if someone reading this who’s always dishonest will respond with answers. But I wonder if your conscious is eating at you. I don’t know… maybe not now, maybe later. I betcha it would be wonderful to wake up every morning knowing that you have nothing to hide.
Have a good one folks.
Mr. Producer
Thoughts!!!
Hello everyone… it’s time for some more random thoughts. Things that cross my mind about everything. Let’s start off with my favorite topic… relationships. I was thinking back to a while ago when I asked this woman out on a date. I’d known this woman nearly several years… we weren’t that close but I knew plenty about her, we had talked occasionally but everything was focused more on work related things. So finally the day came, I was feeling good, I was ready to ask her out and proceeded to. Ten seconds later I didn’t get the response I was looking for and something came over me. Something that was totally out of character. Something that I never said before. I said, “not your type huh… well apparently your type doesn’t like you because you’ve been single for several years and haven’t been able to maintain a relationship past 2 weeks.” Whew!!! I was wrong for that… but why did it feel good at the time? I should’ve just left it alone… walked away.
You see, it’s human nature to be attracted to certain things, certain types. I lost track of that at the time. My only issue is contradictions. I don’t know about you… but I hear this so many times, “I want someone who is honest, communicator, ambitious, spiritual” and so on. Then I see them with the very attractive person without the other attributes and the relationship is over in months if not weeks. So why are you lying to other people and even more important, “yourself”? Let’s say if you truly believed this person was everything that you wanted… did you really take the time to get to know them? I don’t know about you but I prefer to speak to someone on the phone for a while before deciding to take it further by going out. I want to make sure you’re actually worth going out with. You gotta be able to converse, I want to see where your head is just as you should see where mine is.
What’s funny is research has shown the top 3 reasons people get together believe it or not is physical attractiveness, financial stability and sexual prowess. You notice I didn’t mention all of those things that really matter. Most folks will say all of the other things and not the 3 that I mentioned. What’s wrong with saying, “I want someone fine, has money and is good in bed”? lol You know there better be something else there if the looks fade and money becomes tight. Who wouldn’t want someone that’s financially stable but if that becomes the dominant reason why you want someone then good luck. I wish you the best with that one. One things for sure, money does not equate to happiness. I still believe nothing is more powerful then genuine love. When someone loves you simply for you no matter what you have or don’t have… they know their life wouldn’t be fulfilled without you in it. The foundation has to be love before anything else and of course love means spiritual as well with God.
Let’s get back to the “type” thing. Question: what happens in the unfortunate circumstance your type is coming along? Years and years have gone by and nothing has happened. I’ve heard many say… well if I don’t get what I want I’ll just be single and happy for the rest of my life”. Is that possible, really? It just seems like an easy thing to say now but 5 years later are you really feeling the same way. Alright… enough of that, let’s move on.
So how do you handle dating? How do you date? What does dating mean to you? I’ll say this and feel free to disagree if you please which many of you may. I don’t think there is anything wrong in getting to know more then one person at a time. I’ll draw the line if intimacy becomes involved and by intimacy I mean kissing. If you begin kissing one of the potentials then the other should know and decide how to proceed. If you’re kissing on both then you’re just wrong and it’s really unfair to the potentials. Have you ever chased after someone who has feelings for someone else? I don’t know… that doesn’t seem too productive. What about when someone has feelings for someone else but still wants to spend time with you. What’s up with that? Is it wrong to want to spend time with someone who really wants to spend time with you and not because you may be an option? It’s funny because when you flip the situation around that person would be upset if they want to spend time with you and your mind is on someone else. It’s crazy… again that honesty thing comes into play. More people need to be honest with what they really want… they need to be honest with themselves. I’ll admit… I’ve misread some situations in the past and more recent.
Relationships need to be taken more seriously. Hearts are involved for crying out loud. Like I’ve said before… we put so much time and energy when looking for a new car, home, business opportunities… we examine, dig deep, research before making decisions. Well why can’t the same be done for relationships? Is it that we want it fast and now? Why wouldn’t you want to take your time… especially since people can affect you physically, mentally and emotionally for years to come? Why play games with your well being, your livelihood, your sense of self, your heart?
Why is it that we get so caught up in everything that surrounds the person and not pay attention to who the person really is? Such as character… character is big, very big. Character is the catalyst for many things in the relationship. How about honesty? If he or she isn’t honest about simple things, who’s to say they won’t be honest about the bigger things? Integrity and ambition… how about communication skills? I don’t care if the person has everything in the world… if these basic skills are absent, your happiness is in serious jeopardy.
Anyway… I’ve rambled on long enough. There’s much more in my thoughts. Just kind of tired of typing at this point. Everyone have a wonderful day.
Mr. Producer
You see, it’s human nature to be attracted to certain things, certain types. I lost track of that at the time. My only issue is contradictions. I don’t know about you… but I hear this so many times, “I want someone who is honest, communicator, ambitious, spiritual” and so on. Then I see them with the very attractive person without the other attributes and the relationship is over in months if not weeks. So why are you lying to other people and even more important, “yourself”? Let’s say if you truly believed this person was everything that you wanted… did you really take the time to get to know them? I don’t know about you but I prefer to speak to someone on the phone for a while before deciding to take it further by going out. I want to make sure you’re actually worth going out with. You gotta be able to converse, I want to see where your head is just as you should see where mine is.
What’s funny is research has shown the top 3 reasons people get together believe it or not is physical attractiveness, financial stability and sexual prowess. You notice I didn’t mention all of those things that really matter. Most folks will say all of the other things and not the 3 that I mentioned. What’s wrong with saying, “I want someone fine, has money and is good in bed”? lol You know there better be something else there if the looks fade and money becomes tight. Who wouldn’t want someone that’s financially stable but if that becomes the dominant reason why you want someone then good luck. I wish you the best with that one. One things for sure, money does not equate to happiness. I still believe nothing is more powerful then genuine love. When someone loves you simply for you no matter what you have or don’t have… they know their life wouldn’t be fulfilled without you in it. The foundation has to be love before anything else and of course love means spiritual as well with God.
Let’s get back to the “type” thing. Question: what happens in the unfortunate circumstance your type is coming along? Years and years have gone by and nothing has happened. I’ve heard many say… well if I don’t get what I want I’ll just be single and happy for the rest of my life”. Is that possible, really? It just seems like an easy thing to say now but 5 years later are you really feeling the same way. Alright… enough of that, let’s move on.
So how do you handle dating? How do you date? What does dating mean to you? I’ll say this and feel free to disagree if you please which many of you may. I don’t think there is anything wrong in getting to know more then one person at a time. I’ll draw the line if intimacy becomes involved and by intimacy I mean kissing. If you begin kissing one of the potentials then the other should know and decide how to proceed. If you’re kissing on both then you’re just wrong and it’s really unfair to the potentials. Have you ever chased after someone who has feelings for someone else? I don’t know… that doesn’t seem too productive. What about when someone has feelings for someone else but still wants to spend time with you. What’s up with that? Is it wrong to want to spend time with someone who really wants to spend time with you and not because you may be an option? It’s funny because when you flip the situation around that person would be upset if they want to spend time with you and your mind is on someone else. It’s crazy… again that honesty thing comes into play. More people need to be honest with what they really want… they need to be honest with themselves. I’ll admit… I’ve misread some situations in the past and more recent.
Relationships need to be taken more seriously. Hearts are involved for crying out loud. Like I’ve said before… we put so much time and energy when looking for a new car, home, business opportunities… we examine, dig deep, research before making decisions. Well why can’t the same be done for relationships? Is it that we want it fast and now? Why wouldn’t you want to take your time… especially since people can affect you physically, mentally and emotionally for years to come? Why play games with your well being, your livelihood, your sense of self, your heart?
Why is it that we get so caught up in everything that surrounds the person and not pay attention to who the person really is? Such as character… character is big, very big. Character is the catalyst for many things in the relationship. How about honesty? If he or she isn’t honest about simple things, who’s to say they won’t be honest about the bigger things? Integrity and ambition… how about communication skills? I don’t care if the person has everything in the world… if these basic skills are absent, your happiness is in serious jeopardy.
Anyway… I’ve rambled on long enough. There’s much more in my thoughts. Just kind of tired of typing at this point. Everyone have a wonderful day.
Mr. Producer
Saturday, April 23, 2011
REAL LIFE: SEX, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP OBSERVATIONS PART 2
Just a continuation of my previous note on observations while producing Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships. I forgot to mention a few things before.
Let me first say I have partners in the other major cities across the country that send me video interviews and research on dating/relationship topics and issues relative to their particular area of the country. One thing for certain is geography has no bearing on character.
Let’s talk about… us. Don’t you just love to share your thoughts and opinions on subjects you’re so knowledgeable and passionate about? Subjects that you feel substantiate your viewpoints. Do you get a rush or simply feel so good because it appears you’re right and everyone just loves everything you have to say? But yet you’re quiet on equally important subjects.
My point is, it’s interesting to see the boisterous folks become so quiet on certain issues and topics. Why? You have no knowledge about the particular issue? Does it hit close to home? Or are you a contributor to the issue?
One particular topic I bring up but gets absolutely no discussion is STD’s and HIV. Why is everyone so quiet? Is it difficult to face what’s real out there? If it’s the lack of knowledge about said diseases, isn’t it a good idea to discuss, knowledge is power after all… right? True story… a couple years ago I interviewed a guy on-camera and his thoughts were the “HIV/AIDS issue is just a scare tactic. It isn’t as bad as they want you to believe. It’s 2008, the sexual revolution is wide open and people just love enjoying each other and everyone else at the same time… that’s what life is all about.” Well that same guy I interviewed is HIV Positive now. He never thought it could happen to him.
What’s always baffling is the thought process of just because someone looks wonderful, looks healthy means there’s no way they could have anything. Remember what looks good to you isn’t always good for you. Getting off topic here, I just believe if anything… discussion is a good thing. If someone reading this can tell me why you would prefer not to discuss these disease related issues I would appreciate it. Just curious to know.
Let’s talk about perception. Again, these are just observations. It’s always interesting when you actually know people and observe how other people perceive them as a result of how they present themselves. I know quite a few people (meaning I know their background, their character, beliefs, agenda and so on). But because of the way they present themselves other people believe they can walk on water. How can you fall in love with a profile? How can you truly fall in love with words and pictures from a profile? You gotta spend time together… yes TIME! Remember, you can portray yourself to be anyone you want online. You may only want to give what you want people to know. Are you exactly the same when pictures aren’t being taken or cameras rolling? Who knows! Again, just because someone is in front of the cameras, on stage and on the covers doesn’t mean they can handle their business at home.
This will be a continuous update because there are always observations and updates. In the meantime I need some folk’s on-camera to interview about some various topics and issues. If you’re interested please let me know. I’d appreciate it.
Thanks you,
Hamisi Robinson – Executive Producer
reallifetv@live.com
Let me first say I have partners in the other major cities across the country that send me video interviews and research on dating/relationship topics and issues relative to their particular area of the country. One thing for certain is geography has no bearing on character.
Let’s talk about… us. Don’t you just love to share your thoughts and opinions on subjects you’re so knowledgeable and passionate about? Subjects that you feel substantiate your viewpoints. Do you get a rush or simply feel so good because it appears you’re right and everyone just loves everything you have to say? But yet you’re quiet on equally important subjects.
My point is, it’s interesting to see the boisterous folks become so quiet on certain issues and topics. Why? You have no knowledge about the particular issue? Does it hit close to home? Or are you a contributor to the issue?
One particular topic I bring up but gets absolutely no discussion is STD’s and HIV. Why is everyone so quiet? Is it difficult to face what’s real out there? If it’s the lack of knowledge about said diseases, isn’t it a good idea to discuss, knowledge is power after all… right? True story… a couple years ago I interviewed a guy on-camera and his thoughts were the “HIV/AIDS issue is just a scare tactic. It isn’t as bad as they want you to believe. It’s 2008, the sexual revolution is wide open and people just love enjoying each other and everyone else at the same time… that’s what life is all about.” Well that same guy I interviewed is HIV Positive now. He never thought it could happen to him.
What’s always baffling is the thought process of just because someone looks wonderful, looks healthy means there’s no way they could have anything. Remember what looks good to you isn’t always good for you. Getting off topic here, I just believe if anything… discussion is a good thing. If someone reading this can tell me why you would prefer not to discuss these disease related issues I would appreciate it. Just curious to know.
Let’s talk about perception. Again, these are just observations. It’s always interesting when you actually know people and observe how other people perceive them as a result of how they present themselves. I know quite a few people (meaning I know their background, their character, beliefs, agenda and so on). But because of the way they present themselves other people believe they can walk on water. How can you fall in love with a profile? How can you truly fall in love with words and pictures from a profile? You gotta spend time together… yes TIME! Remember, you can portray yourself to be anyone you want online. You may only want to give what you want people to know. Are you exactly the same when pictures aren’t being taken or cameras rolling? Who knows! Again, just because someone is in front of the cameras, on stage and on the covers doesn’t mean they can handle their business at home.
This will be a continuous update because there are always observations and updates. In the meantime I need some folk’s on-camera to interview about some various topics and issues. If you’re interested please let me know. I’d appreciate it.
Thanks you,
Hamisi Robinson – Executive Producer
reallifetv@live.com
Thursday, April 21, 2011
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
You know they say the people in your circle are a reflection of who you are. I really don’t know who “they” is, but I can definitely understand what they’re saying.
In school I was always fascinated with behavioral science although television broadcasting was my passion. But studying people and their behaviors was always interesting. I’m writing this note as a result of thinking about the people I’ve had in my circle, people who I considered friends and what went wrong.
There are many factors affecting the way we behave and act towards other individuals such as culture, attitude, emotions, values, ethics, rapport and persuasion. In the last several years I’ve had a few “friends” who did things that weren’t consistent with my beliefs of what a “friend” is. Here goes the “why” questions: Why intentionally mislead someone? Why play with someone’s emotions? Why use manipulation as a way of getting things? Now there are many answers to these questions… but go back to the very beginning because at some point these folks felt this type of behavior is okay, it’s good, it’s normal. What happened in their life to lead them to believe this behavior is normal and acceptable?
I’ll admit… its fun listening to changes in pitch, annunciation and pauses at the wrong moments, to read faces and expressions and body language. I was never the resident skeptic, but dealing with people over the years has caused me to be one. I don’t like it, but I’m so used to being one now. I still give people the benefit of the doubt but with caution. I keep a tight circle with positive, forward thinkers… people who are creative, smart and passionate. Yes… I need like-minded people around me. I don’t care for hidden agendas… once those agendas were revealed, the relationship was done. I don’t think expecting honestly is too much to ask for… what do you think?
You’ve heard it… “treat others as you expect to be treated”. That’s exactly what I do and I would expect you to do the same. Back to the circle of friends, so what does your circle say about you? Ask yourself that question. Have your friends supported you, have they been there for you when in need, are they always there with a listening ear? Have you been there for them? Is it one sided? Having the right people around you can make all the difference. It took a little while for me to realize that but once I got it and made the necessary corrections it’s was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Just be careful with whom you let into your life. Everything that appears good isn’t good for you. Happiness can mean different things to different people but one thing for sure is… the happiest people have the strongest friendships. But that’s another article.
Take care everyone.
In school I was always fascinated with behavioral science although television broadcasting was my passion. But studying people and their behaviors was always interesting. I’m writing this note as a result of thinking about the people I’ve had in my circle, people who I considered friends and what went wrong.
There are many factors affecting the way we behave and act towards other individuals such as culture, attitude, emotions, values, ethics, rapport and persuasion. In the last several years I’ve had a few “friends” who did things that weren’t consistent with my beliefs of what a “friend” is. Here goes the “why” questions: Why intentionally mislead someone? Why play with someone’s emotions? Why use manipulation as a way of getting things? Now there are many answers to these questions… but go back to the very beginning because at some point these folks felt this type of behavior is okay, it’s good, it’s normal. What happened in their life to lead them to believe this behavior is normal and acceptable?
I’ll admit… its fun listening to changes in pitch, annunciation and pauses at the wrong moments, to read faces and expressions and body language. I was never the resident skeptic, but dealing with people over the years has caused me to be one. I don’t like it, but I’m so used to being one now. I still give people the benefit of the doubt but with caution. I keep a tight circle with positive, forward thinkers… people who are creative, smart and passionate. Yes… I need like-minded people around me. I don’t care for hidden agendas… once those agendas were revealed, the relationship was done. I don’t think expecting honestly is too much to ask for… what do you think?
You’ve heard it… “treat others as you expect to be treated”. That’s exactly what I do and I would expect you to do the same. Back to the circle of friends, so what does your circle say about you? Ask yourself that question. Have your friends supported you, have they been there for you when in need, are they always there with a listening ear? Have you been there for them? Is it one sided? Having the right people around you can make all the difference. It took a little while for me to realize that but once I got it and made the necessary corrections it’s was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Just be careful with whom you let into your life. Everything that appears good isn’t good for you. Happiness can mean different things to different people but one thing for sure is… the happiest people have the strongest friendships. But that’s another article.
Take care everyone.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
REAL LIFE: Sex, Love and Relationships Observations
Hello everyone… hope all is well. I create and developed the Real Life TV Series with the sex, love and relationships theme in 2008. I’ve interviewed around 1,500 men and women since it’s inception from various parts of the country. Talking to these folks; single, couples, married men and women have proven to be quite interesting.
Now on to facebook. I have over 5,000 facebook friends and over 1,600 fans on my Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships TV page. If I had the time to copy and paste some of these status updates about sex, love and relationships you would either be on the floor laughing, in shock or in disgust.
With social networking we can be whoever we want to be online. Is it okay to assume whatever you write or display on your profile is really how you are? Yes! If I don’t know you outside of facebook why would I assume you’re any different from what you post, how you write it and interact with people on your page. I have nothing else to go by.
What still gets to me is the carelessness. With HIV and STD’s being out of control, hearing and seeing folks talk about hooking up with people they really don’t know is crazy. Selling sex on facebook… yes prostitution has hit the social networks even harder. Remember Black Planet? Anyway is it really worth it? I don’t have children myself but have listened to stories of men being invited over and engaging in sexual activities while children are present. I couldn’t imagine. I know we all are subject to temptation… but when that temptation is on the scales of life balancing against the risks, shouldn’t temptation lose? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being extremely careful.
Oh yeah… the constant talk about the lack of good men and so on. I would say 75% of the women interviewed would bring up the lack of good men phenomenon. I see it displayed on facebook all the time as well. When folks mention the lack of good men available, first… what made you ask that question to begin with? What’s your definition of “good”? Why were you involved with “not so good” men to begin with? What are your dating standards/expectations? Obviously in “your” world, you are subject to your own beliefs and values regarding relationships, family and life. Good to you may mean something totally different to someone else. There are plenty of “good” men and women out there but obviously not everyone catches your attention so you really have no idea if they’re good or not. In all honesty I’ve heard many men ask, “where are the good women”? The same thing applies.
Have you seen it as well where people are always talking about and describing the good man or woman they want to be with but always end up with someone totally opposite. Why does that happen? We all need be honest with ourselves in what we’re really looking for in a man or woman and stop throwing out that pointless generic question.
Let’s move on to fantasy. Yes fantasies… we all have had them, some folks unfortunately still live in fantasy land… what can you do? Well you can come back down to earth… that’s what you can do. There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies of course. Fantasies have moved the day along somewhat quicker, fantasies take our minds temporarily from the daily grind of reality, fantasies take us to a world of perfection. STOP! (the needle on the record slides across) Back to reality! To make myself clear… I’m not talking about sexual fantasies with your mate; I’m talking about people having fantasies about celebrities, stars and athletes.
Yes… in many interviews I noticed many women comparing their mate to a celebrity; describing their ideal mate, which happens to be a celebrity or athlete. I’m not asking anyone to agree or disagree this is what I have on tape. The funniest thing to hear is when people say they’re in love; I’m mean really in love with a celebrity whom they’ve never met. Someone who only gives the public a glimpse of themselves on television once in a while as opposed to who they truly are on a daily basis. The problem is, if you’re really comparing folks to the “magazine covers” you like… you’re probably going to be single for a while. You need to shift your focus to yes, reality.
Here we go again with infidelity. I believe about 90% of men and women interviewed have experienced cheating. They’ve been cheated on and/or have cheated themselves. Times have changed… over 15 years ago when asking people what would they do if their significant other cheated most of them would say “leave” or “end the relationship”. Today most said it depends on why they cheated and would try to work it out. Men interviewed would say, they just love sex and if a woman is coming on to them… why not? regardless if they were in a relationship or they weren’t getting it enough at home or was simply bored with what they had at home or knew they couldn’t be faithful from the beginning but wanted the benefits of being in a relationship anyway. Women would say they cheated before getting cheated on or cheated because they were cheated on or cheated because their mate couldn’t put it down sexually. In any case you chose to be with someone who is incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship. I heard someone say, everyone cheats these days. How many people actually believe that? Seriously.
The one word that we all stress is of course COMMUNICATION. It seems as if that word can solve many issues. First of all if you don’t know a problem exists then how can you solve it? If you know there’s a problem but fail to address it then that’s poor communication. I’m a communicator by nature myself but can’t expect everyone to be the same. It’s just so baffling when issues exist but folks do not want to communicate to resolve them.
In another article I wrote, how is it that people court each other, get married, buy a home, have children and then decide you are not the one for me? How is it that you meet a man or woman and this person is so wonderful, you almost forget who you are and then a few months later that person is horrible. What made this person go from being the best to the worst in a short period of time? More importantly why did the two of you decide to get together in the first place?
Always remember the choices you make will have a direct impact on your quality of life. Why is it that we know a certain direction may not be the best one but we go for it anyways? Why is it we know that person may not be the best choice for us but we decide to take the risk anyway? Why do we decide to take a chance and ruin a good thing to take a chance with something that is unproven? Why do we continue to give our heart to someone undeserving? Bottom line... if you want something different, you have to do something different. How do you expect to meet someone different if you continue to frequent the same places week in and week out, continue to hang around the same people week in and week out. You know... life is a series of lessons. We’ve all made mistakes but what’s important is what we learn and applying it to the next. I’ve made my share of mistakes but I’ve learned from them. Actually I make it a point to learn something new everyday (otherwise I take it personally) in addition to learning more about people, about life in general.
I would think most of us want a wonderful life. So why not make the best choices and surround yourself with the right people and of course God.
I’ll have a full season of Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships ready by summer. It’ll be 15 30-minute TV programs on various issues related to dating, sex, love and relationships. Check out the Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships TV page at www.facebook.com/reallifetv
Thanks,
Hamisi Robinson – Executive Producer
Now on to facebook. I have over 5,000 facebook friends and over 1,600 fans on my Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships TV page. If I had the time to copy and paste some of these status updates about sex, love and relationships you would either be on the floor laughing, in shock or in disgust.
With social networking we can be whoever we want to be online. Is it okay to assume whatever you write or display on your profile is really how you are? Yes! If I don’t know you outside of facebook why would I assume you’re any different from what you post, how you write it and interact with people on your page. I have nothing else to go by.
What still gets to me is the carelessness. With HIV and STD’s being out of control, hearing and seeing folks talk about hooking up with people they really don’t know is crazy. Selling sex on facebook… yes prostitution has hit the social networks even harder. Remember Black Planet? Anyway is it really worth it? I don’t have children myself but have listened to stories of men being invited over and engaging in sexual activities while children are present. I couldn’t imagine. I know we all are subject to temptation… but when that temptation is on the scales of life balancing against the risks, shouldn’t temptation lose? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being extremely careful.
Oh yeah… the constant talk about the lack of good men and so on. I would say 75% of the women interviewed would bring up the lack of good men phenomenon. I see it displayed on facebook all the time as well. When folks mention the lack of good men available, first… what made you ask that question to begin with? What’s your definition of “good”? Why were you involved with “not so good” men to begin with? What are your dating standards/expectations? Obviously in “your” world, you are subject to your own beliefs and values regarding relationships, family and life. Good to you may mean something totally different to someone else. There are plenty of “good” men and women out there but obviously not everyone catches your attention so you really have no idea if they’re good or not. In all honesty I’ve heard many men ask, “where are the good women”? The same thing applies.
Have you seen it as well where people are always talking about and describing the good man or woman they want to be with but always end up with someone totally opposite. Why does that happen? We all need be honest with ourselves in what we’re really looking for in a man or woman and stop throwing out that pointless generic question.
Let’s move on to fantasy. Yes fantasies… we all have had them, some folks unfortunately still live in fantasy land… what can you do? Well you can come back down to earth… that’s what you can do. There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies of course. Fantasies have moved the day along somewhat quicker, fantasies take our minds temporarily from the daily grind of reality, fantasies take us to a world of perfection. STOP! (the needle on the record slides across) Back to reality! To make myself clear… I’m not talking about sexual fantasies with your mate; I’m talking about people having fantasies about celebrities, stars and athletes.
Yes… in many interviews I noticed many women comparing their mate to a celebrity; describing their ideal mate, which happens to be a celebrity or athlete. I’m not asking anyone to agree or disagree this is what I have on tape. The funniest thing to hear is when people say they’re in love; I’m mean really in love with a celebrity whom they’ve never met. Someone who only gives the public a glimpse of themselves on television once in a while as opposed to who they truly are on a daily basis. The problem is, if you’re really comparing folks to the “magazine covers” you like… you’re probably going to be single for a while. You need to shift your focus to yes, reality.
Here we go again with infidelity. I believe about 90% of men and women interviewed have experienced cheating. They’ve been cheated on and/or have cheated themselves. Times have changed… over 15 years ago when asking people what would they do if their significant other cheated most of them would say “leave” or “end the relationship”. Today most said it depends on why they cheated and would try to work it out. Men interviewed would say, they just love sex and if a woman is coming on to them… why not? regardless if they were in a relationship or they weren’t getting it enough at home or was simply bored with what they had at home or knew they couldn’t be faithful from the beginning but wanted the benefits of being in a relationship anyway. Women would say they cheated before getting cheated on or cheated because they were cheated on or cheated because their mate couldn’t put it down sexually. In any case you chose to be with someone who is incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship. I heard someone say, everyone cheats these days. How many people actually believe that? Seriously.
The one word that we all stress is of course COMMUNICATION. It seems as if that word can solve many issues. First of all if you don’t know a problem exists then how can you solve it? If you know there’s a problem but fail to address it then that’s poor communication. I’m a communicator by nature myself but can’t expect everyone to be the same. It’s just so baffling when issues exist but folks do not want to communicate to resolve them.
In another article I wrote, how is it that people court each other, get married, buy a home, have children and then decide you are not the one for me? How is it that you meet a man or woman and this person is so wonderful, you almost forget who you are and then a few months later that person is horrible. What made this person go from being the best to the worst in a short period of time? More importantly why did the two of you decide to get together in the first place?
Always remember the choices you make will have a direct impact on your quality of life. Why is it that we know a certain direction may not be the best one but we go for it anyways? Why is it we know that person may not be the best choice for us but we decide to take the risk anyway? Why do we decide to take a chance and ruin a good thing to take a chance with something that is unproven? Why do we continue to give our heart to someone undeserving? Bottom line... if you want something different, you have to do something different. How do you expect to meet someone different if you continue to frequent the same places week in and week out, continue to hang around the same people week in and week out. You know... life is a series of lessons. We’ve all made mistakes but what’s important is what we learn and applying it to the next. I’ve made my share of mistakes but I’ve learned from them. Actually I make it a point to learn something new everyday (otherwise I take it personally) in addition to learning more about people, about life in general.
I would think most of us want a wonderful life. So why not make the best choices and surround yourself with the right people and of course God.
I’ll have a full season of Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships ready by summer. It’ll be 15 30-minute TV programs on various issues related to dating, sex, love and relationships. Check out the Real Life: Sex, Love and Relationships TV page at www.facebook.com/reallifetv
Thanks,
Hamisi Robinson – Executive Producer
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Never Enough Can Be Said About Communication
True communication, what exactly is that? Telling your significant other how many times you went to the bathroom while you were at work? What you had for lunch? Real communication isn't explaining your entire day to someone, because frankly, 99% of the time, your days aren't that interesting. True communication spans far beyond spoken words. It's verbal and mental, as well as even physical.
More than half of the failed relationships out there, including your own, are due to the fact that there was a severe lack of communication between the two of you. In order to have a long and lasting relationship with someone, you must have excellent communication skills. You must be able to convey your emotions and your thoughts, as well as being able to absorb your partner's emotions and thoughts.
Communication is definitely not a one-way street. The "phone-lines" must run both ways. You could sit your partner down and talk to him/her all day long about how you feel, and about where you think this relationship is going. But if you don't LISTEN TO THEM, than all of your words are meaningless. Mainly because they know you aren't willing to listen to them, and you will not hear them out because you are too involved with yourself to allow anyone else to join in on the conversation.
The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. You will learn and grow far more in your relationships if you would sit down and listen to your partner, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don't get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration.
If you feel that you are not hearing from your partner, or they aren't "communicating" with you. Than more than likely they are, but you just aren't listening correctly. Some people don't communicate with words, they communicate through actions. Which, if you pay close enough attention, are far more incisive into what they want to say. But the problem is, most of us don't pay close enough attention.
Mr. Producer
More than half of the failed relationships out there, including your own, are due to the fact that there was a severe lack of communication between the two of you. In order to have a long and lasting relationship with someone, you must have excellent communication skills. You must be able to convey your emotions and your thoughts, as well as being able to absorb your partner's emotions and thoughts.
Communication is definitely not a one-way street. The "phone-lines" must run both ways. You could sit your partner down and talk to him/her all day long about how you feel, and about where you think this relationship is going. But if you don't LISTEN TO THEM, than all of your words are meaningless. Mainly because they know you aren't willing to listen to them, and you will not hear them out because you are too involved with yourself to allow anyone else to join in on the conversation.
The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. You will learn and grow far more in your relationships if you would sit down and listen to your partner, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don't get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration.
If you feel that you are not hearing from your partner, or they aren't "communicating" with you. Than more than likely they are, but you just aren't listening correctly. Some people don't communicate with words, they communicate through actions. Which, if you pay close enough attention, are far more incisive into what they want to say. But the problem is, most of us don't pay close enough attention.
Mr. Producer
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